It's Friday, and that means time for some truth.
I am not comfortable when someone compliments me.
I take it gracefully, and smile and all. But I know they are just being nice, or loving.
I don't believe them, because I am realistic about how I look, and I am always a bit concerned that my reaction gives that away.
And if they realize that I don't believe them, they might think I believe they are insincere or don't like them anymore.
Yes, I am that paranoid, all the time, about offending people, even people I love and am related to.
I yelled at Scotsman for buying French Onion soup, maybe costing $2 at the store, when we agreed to only buy onions, because our budget is tight.
And then I spent $25 on chocolates.
And he teased me, but doesn't judge me.
I'm ashamed of it, though.
I read an amazing blog last night, where a woman posted the story of her second daughter's birth (I'm a bad blogger, it was a click-through and I don't remember her name or blog link).
And for an hour, more than anything, I wanted to be pregnant, to give birth, to be a mom.
I deliberately did not have sex with Scotsman because of this. I know what strong intent can do.
And I think if he read this, Scotsman would freak out a little. We're not ready for kids, financially or emotionally.
But oh boy, did I want one.
For three days, I have wanted to cry.
Nothing is upsetting me, I just feel the urge to cry.
I won't, though, because it's stupid to cry when there is no reason for it.
That's Virgo logic for you.
Labels: friday confessional